The Adventures of Nerdbeard
poor bastard.

poor bastard.

Tell me Johnny, does your mother still hang around dockside bars?

Tell me Johnny, does your mother still hang around dockside bars?

HOW’D IT GET PHONE HOME? HOW’D IT GET PHONE HOME? TELL ME!

HOW’D IT GET PHONE HOME? HOW’D IT GET PHONE HOME? TELL ME!

I need to share this.

[6/20/2012 10:48:17 PM] James: ok
[6/20/2012 10:48:18 PM] James: so
[6/20/2012 10:48:25 PM] James: we have this asian suitemate
[6/20/2012 10:48:43 PM] James: the first thing we learned about him was that he was absolutely disgusting based on the state of the apartment
[6/20/2012 10:49:22 PM] James: then we had our first conversation with him where he told us about our first year, then a teacher who writes sex books with about a lot of cum
[6/20/2012 10:49:35 PM] James: and then about how he goes to the strip club every 3 days
[6/20/2012 10:49:46 PM] James: this is the VERY FIRST CONVERSATION WE HAVE WITH THIS KID
[6/20/2012 10:49:48 PM] James: then today
[6/20/2012 10:50:15 PM] James: we come back from class
[6/20/2012 10:50:31 PM] James: i go to my room but he comes out and my other suitemates are talking to him
[6/20/2012 10:51:18 PM] James: i was trying to work on my case briefs but kept hearing words that were distracting me - sex, prostitutes, ecstasy, etc.
[6/20/2012 10:51:31 PM] James: then i had to come out when i heard “huge four day orgy”
[6/20/2012 10:51:44 PM] James: apparently
[6/20/2012 10:51:57 PM] James: this conversation started about how he was arrested for statutory rape in illinois
[6/20/2012 10:52:07 PM] James: and how he proved there wasn’t enough evidence
[6/20/2012 10:52:15 PM] James: and is suing for defamation since he won
[6/20/2012 10:52:23 PM] James: even though
[6/20/2012 10:52:43 PM] James: HE ADMITTEDLY STATUTORY RAPED A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL
[6/20/2012 10:52:47 PM] James: this is a thing he told us
[6/20/2012 10:52:54 PM] James: and about this thing called slayfest
[6/20/2012 10:53:04 PM] James: where he and 11 of his friends
[6/20/2012 10:53:13 PM] James: bring 4 girls each
[6/20/2012 10:53:22 PM] James: for this massive four day orgy
[6/20/2012 10:53:24 PM] Adam: wow
[6/20/2012 10:53:39 PM] James: at a hotel in a different country every year
[6/20/2012 10:54:06 PM] James: canada, cancun, rio, tijuana, new york, las vegas, reno, etc.
[6/20/2012 10:54:19 PM] James: about how he gets prostitutes bi-weekly
[6/20/2012 10:54:40 PM] James: is a connoisseur of prostitutes
[6/20/2012 10:54:48 PM] James: CONNOISSEUR OF PROSTITUTES
[6/20/2012 10:54:49 PM] James: WTF
[6/20/2012 10:54:55 PM] James: and i’m sure you’re sitting there
[6/20/2012 10:54:57 PM] James: calling bullshit
[6/20/2012 10:55:00 PM] James: cuz any normal person
[6/20/2012 10:55:16 PM] James: when someone says they have had sex with 393 girls
[6/20/2012 10:55:31 PM] James: only counting having sex with them one time
[6/20/2012 10:55:33 PM] James: BUT
[6/20/2012 10:55:40 PM] James: has had a total of
[6/20/2012 10:55:44 PM] James: NINE THOUSAND
[6/20/2012 10:55:48 PM] James: NINE HUNDRED
[6/20/2012 10:55:57 PM] Adam : and ninety nine?
[6/20/2012 10:56:09 PM] James: AND SEVENTY-FUCKING TWO TOTAL SEXUAL ACTS PERFORMED ON/WITH HIM
[6/20/2012 10:56:20 PM] James: that has to bullshit yeah?
[6/20/2012 10:56:20 PM] James: NOPE
[6/20/2012 10:56:22 PM] Adam: who keeps track of that shit?
[6/20/2012 10:56:30 PM] James: great question
[6/20/2012 10:56:32 PM] James: answer?
[6/20/2012 10:56:44 PM] James: someone who keeps a FUCKING PHOTO ALBUM OF ALL THE GIRLS HE’S HAD SEX WITH
[6/20/2012 10:56:50 PM] James: he pulled out one
[6/20/2012 10:56:55 PM] James: even tho he has multiple of them
[6/20/2012 10:57:21 PM] James: and showed us it
[6/20/2012 10:57:29 PM] James: picture of him with women
[6/20/2012 10:57:41 PM] James: her in various stages of undress and consciousness
[6/20/2012 10:58:02 PM] James: so the pictures are apparently real
[6/20/2012 10:58:06 PM] James: and not only that
[6/20/2012 10:58:13 PM] James: on top of being a statutory rapist
[6/20/2012 10:58:21 PM] James: he is also probably a REAL FUCKING RAPIST
[6/20/2012 10:58:33 PM] James: he also
[6/20/2012 10:58:34 PM] James: most like
[6/20/2012 10:58:43 PM] James: has participated in sex rings in various countries
[6/20/2012 10:58:55 PM] Adam: what the fuuuuck
[6/20/2012 10:58:58 PM] James: in russia there’s one where the girls are submerged in frozen water
[6/20/2012 10:59:04 PM] James: or rather ice water
[6/20/2012 10:59:15 PM] James: so that their bodies feel like corpses
[6/20/2012 10:59:22 PM] Adam: what the fuck
[6/20/2012 10:59:24 PM] Adam: WHAT THE FUCK.
[6/20/2012 10:59:24 PM] James: and you can SIMULATE NECROPHILIA
[6/20/2012 10:59:34 PM] James: then over in japan
[6/20/2012 10:59:53 PM] James: the yakuza buys a train and uses an abandoned railroad track
[6/20/2012 11:00:05 PM] James: so that people who would like the experience
[6/20/2012 11:00:13 PM] James: CAN PAY TO FUCKING RAPE PEOPLE
[6/20/2012 11:00:21 PM] James: and it’s any age person you like
[6/20/2012 11:00:22 PM] James: underage
[6/20/2012 11:00:25 PM] James: young
[6/20/2012 11:00:27 PM] James: middle aged
[6/20/2012 11:00:28 PM] James: grannies
[6/20/2012 11:00:38 PM] James: WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU LIKE
[6/20/2012 11:00:42 PM] James: iINSANE
[6/20/2012 11:01:07 PM] James: we have talked to this person for all of 3 FUCKING HOURS
[6/20/2012 11:01:14 PM] James: and this is all we know about this guy
[6/20/2012 11:01:22 PM] James: so now
[6/20/2012 11:01:25 PM] James: me and my suitemates
[6/20/2012 11:01:44 PM] James: on top of being legitimately disgusted by his stories
[6/20/2012 11:02:03 PM] James: are now thinking everything has been cummed on
[6/20/2012 11:02:09 PM] Adam: hahaha
[6/20/2012 11:02:33 PM] James: we legitimately think he has probably killed someone
[6/20/2012 11:02:33 PM] Adam: does he have like a pizza hut punch card
[6/20/2012 11:02:37 PM] James: probably multiple someones
[6/20/2012 11:02:40 PM] Adam: fuck 10 bitches
[6/20/2012 11:02:43 PM] Adam: get a free one
[6/20/2012 11:02:49 PM] James: we are like keeping everything locked
[6/20/2012 11:03:03 PM] James: cuz like we were in my one suitemates room
[6/20/2012 11:03:13 PM] James: and he just kept pacing past the room
[6/20/2012 11:03:20 PM] James: and he knew we were all in there
[6/20/2012 11:03:25 PM] James: and he has never done that before
[6/20/2012 11:03:49 PM] James: like he always goes in his room, comes out once, and then doesn’t come out again
[6/20/2012 11:03:59 PM] James: so yeh
[6/20/2012 11:04:10 PM] James: might get butchered in our own rooms
[6/20/2012 11:04:25 PM] Adam: hide ya kids
[6/20/2012 11:04:29 PM] Adam: hide ya toothbrushes
[6/20/2012 11:04:37 PM] Adam: cause he’s cummin on everybody out hea
[6/20/2012 11:05:17 PM] James: lol
[6/20/2012 11:05:24 PM] James: i keep all my stuff in my room
[6/20/2012 11:06:08 PM] James: as does everyone else
[6/20/2012 11:06:15 PM] James: cuz he is creepy and disgusting
[6/20/2012 11:07:02 PM] James: so yeah
[6/20/2012 11:07:12 PM] James: we went to this other kids room
[6/20/2012 11:07:19 PM] James: and told him this shit
[6/20/2012 11:07:33 PM] James: and i had half a cup of henessey
[6/20/2012 11:07:39 PM] James: which is surprisingly delicious

omocat:


always

omocat:

always

Oh man, karma tastes so sweet.

Oh man, karma tastes so sweet.